Critique this please, be brutal??!?

Good hook, it grasps the reader already. It needs a bit more work, because a few pages after you might be going forward to a dead end. Always plan the bigger parts, and the subsequently the little ones. Have a symbol. It's seen in the beginning, it's seen in the end. Although i am not sure how it'll end as this is 1st P.O.V., and she suicides. A quick short ending that doesn't explain much is never good. Don't aim for that.